Battle of the Condiments: Dijon Mustard vs. Olympique Mayonnaise

It’s been a week of champagne and chocolate. Last Wednesday’s entirely unexpected win at Manchester City, coupled with this weekend’s win over Marseille, has revitalized a Lyon side that’s struggled with form since August.

Their unconvincing season start against Ligue 1 bottom feeders Nice, Caen, Reims, Strasbourg, and Amiens – taking 7 points out of 15 – convinced both fans and pundits alike that Lyon would be lucky even to qualify for next year’s Europa League. But as usual, Lyon proved once again that they play better against bigger opponents.

Which is TERRIBLE because their next opponent is Dijon, a team that plays the kind of football that Lyon just don’t know how to deal with. It’s not going to be easy going from champagne football to sandwich toppings, and if any team can mess it up, it’s Lyon.

Wednesday, Septermber 26th, 2018
Stade Gaston Gérard, Dijon
1 PM EST (19:00 CET, 18:00 UST)

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Ruben Dias takes off his shirt, plus other pointless transfer news

Things have gotten so desperate for Lyon fans that they’re just making things up at this point. Case in point, this past Saturday during Benfica’s away game against Boavista, Ruben Dias was walking off the pitch, turned around and went back to the Benfica supporters, and then threw his jersey into the crowd. Nothing out of the ordinary except he was the only one to do so. The other Benfica players kept their clothes on.

While most of world sees this as fake news, Lyon fans see this as sign that Dias is saying goodbye in the only way footballers know how, which is to take off their sweaty, smelly shirts and give it to people who are desperate and have no lives and probably have their club’s name tattooed above their butts in a trampstamp.

No, I’m not talking about myself. I’m not.

Look at those abs tho